In our day-to-day lives we're faced with a myriad of thoughts beliefs and decisions. We're guided by unconscious wishes and conscious cravings that persistently occupy our minds. So much so that there isn't much mental space or emotional energy left for dealing with pent up problems lingering complications or conflicts. So what do some people do? They proverbially bury their head in the sand and hope that the impending menace magically sorts itself out or simply disappears.

This approach is referred to as the 'Ostrich syndrome' where a person denies or refuses to acknowledge something that is blatantly obvious as if their head were buried in the sand like an ostrich. Interestingly we now know that ostriches don't actually bury their head to avoid danger but they dig holes in the dirt to use as nests for their eggs checking it several times a day. So once again we have borrowed a label from nature that only applies to the peculiar habits and fallibility of humans.

Well the bad news is that avoidance seems to be one of our brain's many defaults not because it's defective but because we tend to be pleasure seeking and hedonistic - wanting to experience positive emotions and avoid pain - therefore by escaping the inevitable we falsely think it ceases to exist. It's a temporary fix for unwanted feelings and situations. I'm not sure how many more bankruptcy cases terminal illnesses divorces and employment terminations it's going to take for us to realise that avoiding it is not going to make it go away.

Dr Thomas Webb from the University of Sheffield studied the ostrich syndrome specifically exploring people with diabetes who avoid monitoring their blood-glucose and those with financial problems who do not look at their bank balances. 'There are plenty of us over the Christmas period for example who will not check our bank balance or look at the calories on the back of the box of mince pies despite us wanting to be in control of our money or lose weight.'

What are the most common triggers that bring out the ostrich in us?

> Financial debt

> Unresolved personal or professional conflict

> Public speaking

> Decision making

> Weight and health issues

> Addictions

Maria is 36 and she's been living in Dubai for eight years now. The first time we met I was impressed by how presentable and chic she looked - very stylish indeed. She seemed to have designed the most perfect existence for herself other than one major hitch. Maria was in so much debt that she felt both overwhelmed by the unnecessary clothing and items she kept purchasing (to fill a psychological void after ending a long term relationship) as well as the horrible penalties that she no longer could conceal through unopened emails and envelopes stuffed in the back of the closet. 'You know what's the scariest part? I don't even know how much I owe. Every time the thought enters my mind I push it away because it literally makes me sick. Everyone thinks I have this perfect life here - imagine if they found out I was buried under thousands of dirhams worth of debt? I guess as long as I have a job I'll be OK but now it's reached a situation where my monthly loan payments are more than my salary.'

So what's the good news? Thankfully constructive confrontation is a skill that can be learned and strengthened through practice. Here are some steps you can take to avoid dodging drudgery. Begin by asking:

> What is the problem?

> How long has it been going on?

> How did it happen?

> What are the emotions you're trying to avoid?

> Are you well informed about the ins and outs or should you seek the help of a professional such as a financial expert doctor or psychologist?

> If you don't confront it what are the long-term consequences?

> If you do confront it what are the benefits?

I asked Maria to imagine what life might be like if she continued spending senselessly. It wasn't easy to mentally confront the reality of financial ruin impoverishment and all the hardship that comes with destitution. However picturing such outcomes is a necessary part of changing a negative habit or behaviour. The longer you bury your head in the sand the more you stand to lose since problems don't disappear they multiply causing greater anxiety and stress.

Sometimes if left for too long the consequences can be irreversible and life threatening. Roadblocks and detours are part of the journey but instead of parking emotional matters confront them in a specific and timely manner so that you're better able to manage life's inevitable ups and downs.

Dr Samineh I. Shaheemis a professor of psychology and a learning & development specialist. Contact her on . Follow her on Twitter: saminehshaheem

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