A few weeks ago thousands of parents worldwide would have said goodbye to their children leaving for university. It's terribly difficult to accept the reality that your baby is going off to live by themselves - wasn't it just yesterday you were celebrating their 10th birthday?

As college-bound kids leave home to begin the next chapter of their life so much changes for them - and their parents. The sense of loss for primary care providers is emotionally crippling and can take a very long time to subside. On the one hand parents have been working towards this day for almost two decades. They have diligently and meticulously laid each brick as they constructed the foundation of their child's education leading to college.

They are naturally filled with great pride and happiness. But on the other hand the separation anxiety that sets in just before and after their child leaves is much deeper and more complex than just missing or sensing their absence. It is rooted in fear uncertainty loss of control and a seeming inability to recover from the sadness that shrouds this bittersweet event.

Take Gloria a local parent who found it incredibly hard to say goodbye to her 19 year-old son. "I couldn't sleep for about three days before he left" she explains with tears in her eyes. "I mean I was happy that he got accepted at university and to be honest he wasn't being very productive while waiting for admission responses so I was keen to send him off to begin his life. But when the day for him to leave came I couldn't stop crying! I thought my heart was going to break. I would run into the bathroom or my room every time I set eyes on him or his suitcase. I tell you I was a mess. It has been two weeks now and I'm a bit better but the anxiety and worry is still there and I feel as if I've lost my job as a parent. like my role has been made redundant or something."

I am sure a lot of parents can relate to Gloria. Perhaps you may also feel slightly relieved to hear that at this time it's quite normal to feel emotionally charged and that you're not alone.

Let's explore some of the reasons why sending our kids off to university can be so psychologically challenging:

> You don't get much support from others. People think you should be excited and pleased because going to college is a great achievement.

> Grief can come from different types of separation like a child going to university and not just from loss of work or the death of a loved one.

> We block our anxiety and usually don't deal with the emotional tsunami building up inside. Therefore instead of gradually coming to terms with the departure of the child the wave of despair comes crashing down all at once around the time they leave.

> The child is no longer a permanent part of the household. Not only is their absence felt but the dynamics of familial interaction change.

> If you haven't prepared your child well you may be nervous about how they're going to manage their daily activities such as cooking cleaning what to do when they fall sick managing finances and their academic schedule. Most young adults learn so much in the first few months away you can ease your apprehensions by preparing them in a practical way even when they return for visits.

Here are a few ideas about what you could do while your child is away to make it easier for both of you:

> While it's fine to let them know how much they're missed try not to express your level of sadness as they're dealing with enough already.

> Try not to micro-manage every aspect of their life. They're working at establishing their independence and sometimes experience is the best teacher.

> Set boundaries such as an agreed monthly allowance and expectations about grades and academic performance. This encourages remaining focused on objectives and a sense of structured responsibility.

> Their grades may not be the same at college as they were in high school. Give them time to adjust.

> Leave your child's room the way it is because it's their safe space while they're away and when they come home to visit. Redecorating as soon as they leave as lovely as that might be will be another change they have to go through. We can have a whole other discussion for when the kids return on a visit most likely with new habits and behaviours that will seem odd at first. Instead of criticising them or resisting this change respect the way their identity is taking shape by welcoming these new aspects of who they are - as long as the habits aren't dysfunctional or dangerous of course. This is an exciting time for the whole family and if managed correctly you could be closer to your child than when they lived at home.

Dr Samineh I. Shaheem is a professor of psychology and a learning & development specialist. Contact her on . Follow her on Twitter: saminehshaheem Instagram: wellbeing.psychology.awake