(MENAFN- Gulf Times) Do you find yourself saying yes to too many requests? Are you so stressed out you feel like you're juggling knives?
You know how this goes. If you try to give up a task, or postpone something, you feel like a dagger is going to flip up into the air and slam down into you. Your boss, your friends, or somebody will be let down.
Most of us have read several "time management" books or "work/life balance" books. We're seeking some magic to find more harmony. But one good strategy is to set boundaries. You've got to figure out where to draw the line on those demands made on you.
"We live in a world where we're encouraged to light a fire under ourselves," says a psychologist we'll call John. "The clients who come to me for counseling are angry with themselves. They want to know how to keep the bonfire blazing."
John says that he shares these strategies to prevent this kind of self-torture:
l Vary your routine to refresh your mind. If possible in your job, mix boring tasks with those that require a different set of mental muscles. Make sure it's ok with your boss.
l Alert someone early on that you're going to say no. For example, tell your sister-in-law that you can't volunteer at her charity event in December. But tell her this in August. Most of us chicken out and over-give if we've failed to give proper notice to others.
l Put somebody off a day or two. If appropriate, ask if extending a
deadline at work or in off-hours is possible or desirable.
l Realise that you do have a breaking point. Think you can keep pushing, without mercy? Think again. Plenty of distracted people have automobile accidents or slide into deep depressions all the time. Avoid living near your breaking point by pacing yourself.
One good way to set limits with yourself is to ask: what am I doing too much of? Staying late every night at work? Volunteering too much?
Remember, in order to stretch yourself, you have to sacrifice something. Sure, you can win awards and have people fighting to make speeches at your funeral. But ask: What am I sick and tired of doing? How can I dial things back down a notch?
A man we'll call Richard worked three straight years without a single off day. Richard's wife just left him for another man. The moral of this story is this: If you're subtracting too much energy from yourself, you're likely taking something from those people close to you as well.
In fact, noticing the atmosphere of your workplace, home and support
network is important. You want to leave breathing room to enjoy life, and you want others to feel this breathing room as well.
A friend of ours we'll call Patty told us recently, "I'd like to hire a full time housekeeper. But instead, I'm hiring a cook." She explained that the "cook" means she is bringing home restaurant food three days a week.
"I have three kids, a husband, and no close relatives to help me cope with life," says Patty. "So I feel fine about spending money for healthy food from local restaurants."
Patty sums it up this way: "If I can save two or three hours a week, that's enough time to exercise, read or talk with a friend. A small change can save your sanity."
™¦ Judi Light Hopson is the executive director of the stress management website USA Wellness Cafe at www.usawellnesscafe.com. Emma Hopson is an author and a nurse educator. Ted Hagen is a family psychologist.
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