(MENAFN-Khaleej Times) Addressing questions on marriage, the Focus Women session at Emirates Airline Festival of Literature tells women to quit clinging to outdated assumptions of
what a successful life looks like
At the Focus Women session. — Supplied photo
An overheard conversation between two single women from the subcontinent in their mid-twenties. Girl 1: “The problem with our generation is that we don’t really know where we belong. We do not belong to the 90s’ generation; neither can we be classified into Generation Y.”
Girl 2: “That is true. One half of us are stuck with traditional values and the other half wants to lead a more progressive, modern lifestyle.” Perhaps, this confusion prevails among most young men and women today.
The issue of being stuck in this dichotomy arises when it comes to the big question of marriage. Most young men and women get caught between the quintessential marriage game. ‘Who to marry’, ‘when is the right time’, ‘Is he/she the right person’, and ‘if I delay marriage, will it be hard for me to have children’, are among the several questions that need to be answered.
The Emirates Airline Festival of Literature Female Focus session entertained and educated audiences with a host of international authors and local experts holding workshops and discussing topics specifically related to women. The Female Focus morning, sponsored by Hindawi, hosted a number of sessions that dealt with issues specific to life in Dubai, such as the growing dependence on nannies and cosmetic surgery.
The discussion on marriage and how it fits into the 21st century woman’s life took place between three women from three different parts of the world.
Dr Hala Kazim, a trained coach and counselor, gave the Emirati viewpoint on the issue, while the subcontinent was represented by Pakistani bestselling author and journalist, Moni Mohsin, and the Western outlook was presented by Kyra Dupont Troubetzkoy, Swiss journalist and author of two novels.
Some of the questions addressed were: Is marriage still the goal of every woman? Are marriages more likely to succeed when women choose their own life partner or when families make the arrangements?
Education has played a massive role in empowering women, but at the same time, they still posses romantic notions of a perfect husband and a perfect marriage.
A.P (name withheld on request), an Emirati single woman in her late 20s, told Khaleej Times: “Sometimes unrealistic expectations can ruin a good marriage. At least that is what my married friends tell me. See, the problem is that there are so many discussions and debates surrounding this subject, every person has a different experience and a different view point.”
Pakistani national Mohsin, who authored the book The Social Butterfly, said: “In Pakistan, a state that does not guarantee you with the safety net of basic necessities like education and health, most women get married for a simple reason — social security. And 60 per cent of the families get married to their first cousins in order to keep their family bonds strong.”
Emirati and mother of five, Hala Kazim said: “In our society, the number of single women and divorces are on the rise. Even now, men and women have very little interaction, until they join university. I was 17 when I got married for the first time and back then, I wanted to be a bride — simply because the needs of security and motherhood were the only choices for a woman.”
Troubetzkoy, however, said the trends in the Western world have changed drastically. “Female liberation must be the worst enemy for the institution of marriage. In the 1920s, 92 per cent of the US women were married, (while) in the 60s, the number came down to 60 per cent and today, 80 per cent of the young women in the US are unmarried. The main reason could be that there are no traditional reasons to tie to knot anymore.”
On one hand, education is liberating and empowering women, but on the other, delaying marriage is delaying motherhood. Hala said: “There are a rising number of single women in the Emirati community. We are a young country and are growing very fast. Education is not just schooling and it has given women a lot of power and confidence.”
The panelists suggested that women can “simply try to open up their minds” and quit clinging to outdated assumptions of what a successful life looks like.
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